Saturday, March 3, 2012

I Don't Know How To Do This

My Cousin, Michael, died last week.  He had been having heart problems and he just didn't wake up on Wednesday morning.  We weren't close.  In fact, I haven't seen him since I was a kid.  But he was still my cousin.

Like me, Michael struggled with his weight.  He was 40 when he died.  I know I'm not him, but I want to live a lot longer than 12 more years.

I want to change my weight and lifestyle, but I feel hopelessly stuck.  I'm so frustrated that I haven't been able to lose any weight for the last two years.  I made a change once and lost a lot of weight, but the scale has been creeping back up.  Time after time, I tell myself this is the time, but it never pans out.  I don't know how to do it again.  I don't know how to repeat the success I had when I first started this blog. 

I can feel the weight coming back.  I can see it in the mirror, I can feel it when I sit down.  I can feel the extra fat all over my body.  I feel disgusting.

I want to keep going.  I want to finish what I started.  I want to live a long, healthy life.  I just don't know how to do it.


  1. That's a lie, and I'm going to call you on it... You said yourself that you've done it once before!

    Eat less! Simple concept that we both know and try to battle with. Make sure you log ALL your food... Hold yourself accountable.

    Move more! Even 20 minutes a day is a great start. I'm sure you were moving a lot for your last big weightloss... You'll have to do it again though!

    Good luck!


  2. Very sorry for your loss, Andrew. It's always hard to lose someone, even if you weren't terribly close, but especially when you can see shades of yourself in him/her.

    Every day, you're given 24 more hours and all the possibilities to make the best of them. Some days are easier than others. Some days are downright awful. But keep fighting and giving all you have for what you want most, and good things are bound to happen.

    I too have struggled with motivation lately, and something that has helped me has been refocusing my goals. Facing a goal of losing 100 pounds is huge and can be overwhelming. I've had a lot of false starts in the past with weightloss attempts because I was always all-or-nothing - total gym rat or home on the couch, never anything in between. Try to find a healthy and sustainable balance. I focused on getting control of my eating, then upped exercise when the food situation felt stable. Full-steam-ahead with both would have been setting myself up for failure - it's too much, too fast. What may help for you is breaking up the weight loss and focusing on smaller, non-scale sub-goals: maybe working out 30 minutes 4 times a week, drink 64 oz. of water a day. One little change at a time, and add something else when you feel ready to.

    Most important of all, don't let current struggles overshadow your successes. You've done a great job so far, and just because you're having a tough time now doesn't mean you're doomed forever. Take some time to reassess the situation and make some short-term goals, and carry on.

    I believe in you, Andrew - we all do. ♥

  3. I'm sorry for your loss too. I'v only ever commented here once I think. Quite a long time ago. I'm 'de-lurking' to say this - Yes you do. You DO know how to do this. You need to understand, accept, and BELIEVE You ARE worthy of this. YOU deserve this. You know how to eat different. You know you need to move more. You know. But do you BELIEVE? :) I do. And i have never met you or spoken to you. I believe you can. It's scary. It's a life changing thing, losing weight and living healthy.
    Have you ever considered counselling? Not for weight loss. For YOU? Would that help you with your changes?
    Take care!
    From B.C. Canada. :)

  4. I'm sorry for your loss. 40 is such a young age so I can't imagine what your family is going through.

    You have done an amazing job so far and you know how to do this! We all have days where we feel defeated and tired but the important thing is to have faith in yourself.

    When I stall, I tend to need a revisit of why I started in the first place. When I look at my list of dreams and reasons, I feel the needed boost to keep going.

  5. That's a really though wake up call. It's also a lot of emotions to process (without food).

    I have to agree with the Big Guy... you know how to do this. The equation... eat less, move more. A friend of mine is constantly blogging about how, in order to create a sustainable habit, we need to eat at the caloric level of our goal weight. If you use a calorie tracker like you can figure it out... For example; I'm currently 317lbs, I want to be 170. I'm allowed 1900 calories a day at 170. I try to stay well under that at about 1600 calories a day and I tell you what, it's working and no, I'm not starving myself. Not at all, actually.

    Movement. It has to happen. If you can't afford a gym, try at home work outs. has some excellent ones. They're free. They post daily. They try to be very encouraging and motivational.

    You can do this! You can make a commitment to not just these 100lbs, but to your body. You can change. You can eat well and take preventative heart health measures (movement, less wheat, more veg, omega 3). I completely believe in your ability to reach your goals.

  6. sorry about your loss. It's always so hard when someone we know dies. As for weight loss let me suggest a book called "slim for life" by Jason Vale. He talks a lot about juicing and raw foods but that's not why I'm recommending it. I am doing so because it helped me change my outlook on food. i think what you need is a change in mindset. try it and tell me what you think. I don't cut food out but you have to be aware of your calorie intake.

    Best wishes to your whole family. I think you should definitely have your wife hold you very accountable.

  7. Sorry for your loss Andrew. I don't have the answer either, but don't ever give up. That I know.

  8. Alan is right. Just don't give up. That is rule #1. As for rule #2, it could be food choices, a weight loss goal for the next week, or a brutal challenge you give yourself for the next four days of exercise. You have experience. What you need is momentum. Make some decisive change over the next 4-7 days to give yourself a jumpstart and during that time, blog about it. We will cheer you on.

  9. I stumbled on your blog through *You* have a blog which was a fluke in itself. I'm saddened by this post, but inspired by your others. I will definitely be returning to read more. Amber

  10. Hi there,
    I'm very very sorry for your loss. Please don't forget how far you've come, and that those tools that you used to get to this point are STILL there, and unlike iron, they don't rust.
    Talk with people, pour your heart out, write to us readers - we're listening.
    Take care,

  11. I'm a new follower to your blog, chiming in to say I'm sorry for your loss. I sincerely hope you get past your negative feelings about how you look or how you're doing lately, and remind yourself of all your positive attributes that make you worth doing better every day. For me, one day of eating well and exercising speaks louder to me than 3 days of not doing so well. It reminds me I'm in charge, capable of making good choices, and damn well worth it. It's frustrating that the whole process has to be done baby steps, but so be it...At least we have blogs to keep each other focused and motivated.

    I wish you the best. I hope you'll keep posting and finding support here. (Follow my blog too! I could use some pep talks today.)