Friday, August 29, 2014


I put off writing this post for five days because I got frustrated.

I thought I was doing things right and was sure I would lose weigh.

But I gained a pound.  Last week was an anomaly.  I ate out a bunch and was very sedentary because I was very busy with work stuff.  This week has been a little different, I've been eating at home more, I exercised a couple times (which felt great).  and I've had a more regular work-day.  However, I can feel my appetite starting to come back.  I've got to watch out for that.

This weigh-in taught me that even though being on Concerta is controlling my appetite, I'm still not going to lose weight unless I work to buck my bad eating habits and get out and exercise on a regular basis.

I'm feeling less confident than I was last week, but as long as I take away the idea that my meds won't make me skinny by themselves and maintain the idea that I CAN make the changes I need, I'll be fine.

Here's to making changes!

Sunday, August 24, 2014

I have not been eating well

This past week I've done remarkably little snacking.  I even forgot to eat lunch once this week.

I doubt tomorrow's weigh-in will show a loss.

Why?  Because I've eaten a lot this week.  I've not been exercising.  It boils down to me not having free time this week because of work and various other obligations.  But I have free time now.  So, internet, I'm going to get off my fat ass and go for a run.

Monday, August 18, 2014

First Weekly Weigh-In in a Long Time

First off, I forgot to eat lunch today.  Yesterday's post sums up my experiences getting back on Concerta.  I got so wrapped up in work today I completely forgot to eat.

I know it's not healthy to skip meals, but it's a hell of a lot easier than counting the minutes until it's socially acceptable to stuff my face again.

I'm hoping since the voice telling me to eat immediately has gotten a lot quieter, I'll be able to eat more fruits and vegetables and be satisfied.  I think I'm going to start counting calories soon, but it's so time consuming to enter them.  I suppose complaining about how fat I am is time consuming too.

A long time ago, I used to do weigh-ins on Mondays.  They kept me motivated through the temptations of the weekend and I wasn't weighing myself so much it was making me crazy.

Let's get those started again.
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I can get behind 299.3.  Last Wednesday at the doctor I weighed 309.  Can I count that as a 10 pound loss?

Sunday, August 17, 2014


Recently I said I was going to be a dad in November.  Today Claire had her baby shower and we got to reveal that we're having a girl!  I'm a lucky man.

Doesn't Claire have a gorgeous baby bump?

Changing gears now.  Last Thursday I started taking meds for ADHD for the first time in almost 8 years.  The doctor told me that since I was diagnosed as a child it was a lot easier to start me on medication again and prescribed me Concerta, a time-release form of ritalin.  A lot fewer hoops to jump through I guess.  We talked about my weight as well.  He said one side-effect of Concerta is weight-loss and ritalin was actually used as a weight-loss drug, so we decided to wait until I'm acclimated to it and reassess the next time we meet.

So I went down to the pharmacy and got my prescription filled.  The next morning I started my first day of being treated for ADHD.  Here are some things I noticed:

I talk more on meds.  A LOT more.  Faster too.
Having ADHD and taking meds doesn't make the ADHD go away, it just makes some parts of your brain work faster to keep up.
I can finish a task.
It bothers me more when a task isn't completed.  I've been compelled to finish some things on my to-do list.  I also pulled out the oven and cleaned underneath it today, so there's that.
I feel jittery a lot.
I have trouble sitting still and not doing anything.
I have it on good authority that I'm more coherent when telling stories.
I have a much harder time realizing I'm hungry.

That last one might be just what I need to develop a healthy relationship with food.  Normally I have this compulsion to eat.  I can't stop eating until I'm stuffed.  It's like I don't have a shut-off switch.  Once I've started eating the urge to keep going is so overwhelming that I can't stop shoveling food into my face until I'm about to burst.  Since I started taking meds, I haven't snacked at all.  I have to learn to recognize other signs that I'm hungry in order to make sure I eat and stay healthy, but the compulsion to binge seems to be gone.

Now, I know it's early yet, but I think this is a good start.  I feel like this is how people who have healthy relationships with food feel.  I'm going to try to use this to develop good diet and exercise habits.

Hell, maybe I'll even be blogging more.

Monday, July 21, 2014

Counting Calories

have an unhealthy relationship with food.  There's a lot of emotion tied up in it for me.  I'm most guilty when I get home from work.  I have a giant hole inside me and it needs to be filled with food.  If I'm not gorged after one snack, I need another, and another.  Until I'm filled with peanut butter and regret.

Today I downloaded My Fitness Pal for my phone.  Now, I've had MFP on my phone on and off for years.  If not MFP, then FatSecret calorie counter or LoseIt.  None of them have ever done a whole lot for me.

I'm not going to say it's going to be different this time, but I did manage to log everything I ate today and still come in under budget.  That plus a thousand calories lost on my bike commute today and I had a very good day today.  +1 momentum.  

Here's to tomorrow.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Some Exciting News

I'm just going to come out and say it; I'm going to be a dad!  Let me answer most of the questions I've been getting.  The baby is due November 28th.  We don't know the gender yet, we find out in ten days (on our anniversary, which is cool).  I go back and forth between hoping for a girl or boy (I didn't know people honestly asked that question).  Yes we were trying, mind your own damn business.  

I've had a lot of different emotions.  I've been mostly excited.  I've been contemplating what it means for me and my identity.  I've tried to imagine what interacting with my son or daughter is going to be like.  I've been moving between troubled and amused by how every girl's thing is pink (or maybe lavender) and boy things occupy every other color imaginable.  

I worry a lot too.

Will I be a good enough dad?  What if something goes wrong?  What if I do something wrong?  What if I pass on my unhealthy relationship with food?  What if I die young?

I always thought as soon as Claire got pregnant, I would magically find a motivation to start eating right and exercising.  And I am doing better.  I've been bike commuting about 10-15 (I like to take the long way home) miles a day, and I just finished day two of couch to 5k.  If I can keep that up and focus on my eating, I'll be in good shape, but it's not easy.  It's not easy.  It's not.

Losing weight is hard.  Was it this hard last time?  I don't remember it being this hard.

I have to do it though.  I want to live.  I want to be healthy.  I want to be there for my children and my wife.  The desire is there, I just have to make it happen now.  It's not just me anymore.

I'll leave you with a story.  A couple months ago a student said to me, "Do you have any kids?"
"Is your wife pregnant?"
"No" (we weren't telling anyone yet)
"Are you trying?"
"Why are you asking me all of these questions?"
"Because that's what people your age do."

My Facebook feed is evidence enough of that statement.  I'm one of those people now.  That's all for now.  

Friday, July 11, 2014

Writing Again

A lot of time has passed, and my last weigh-in was 303 pounds.  Ouch.  Total backslide and then some.

I've tried time and time again to be positive and optimistic, but every time I fall flat.  I've promised too many times that I'm going to be 100 pounds lighter a year from now.  So I'm not going to make that promise.  I'm not going to promise that I'm going to write regular entries in my blog.  

I will promise this.  I will try to be honest here.  Sometimes it will be venting, sometimes it will be planning, and more often than not, it will probably be rambling.  But maybe if I can get the negative out of me I can focus on the positive.  Maybe I'll even be able to change my life for the better.

Hopefully there will be more to come soon.  So stay tuned.