Saturday, August 17, 2013

Summer is Over

I started back at school yesterday.  I'm a teacher and I'm now in workshop week.  A week from Monday will be my first day back with students.  Summer is over and I have mixed feelings.  I of course feel like my summer break was too short, but I'm looking forward to developing a solid routine again.

I envision myself exercising right away after work.  I imagine that it will be easier not to snack when I'm not at home.  I imagine developing a better work-life balance than I had last year.  I want to do two things this school year.  1.  Kick ass at my job, and 2.  Lose a ton of weight.

I've got a really loud voice in my head though.  It's the voice that tells me to go get seconds even though I am full because that food was really good.  It's the voice that tells me going to the movies won't be as fun without candy and popcorn.  It's also the voice that tells me I'm never going to be able to lose the weight I need to lose in order to get healthy, so I shouldn't even bother trying.

Right now the voice in my head is saying, Yeah, you lost a lot of weight a few years ago, but you've gained it all back.  You've forgotten how to lose weight and you're never going to remember how again.  You're going to die early, you might as well enjoy this candy bar.  You're going to be too stressed once work starts to eat right and too tired to exercise.  You were going to focus on your weight this summer but you didn't.  You gained a TON of weight last year.  The same thing is going to happen this year.

Full disclosure: Sometimes I let this voice write my blog for me.  He's an asshole.

So here I am.  About to start a new school year.  I want to change everything, but the voice has been too loud.  I don't want to repeat last year, I've got one thing to say to that voice in my head:

You're not welcome here.  Fuck off.

1 comment:

  1. Hello Andrew, I have been reading your blog for quite a while now and till now I have never left a comment. I just wanted to tell you not to lose hope. I have gone through the same thing as you have. I had lost a great deal of weight a few years ago, only to regain it entirely and then some. I was very much discouraged and like you I had that "voice" gnawing away at my spirit. But after receiving some unsettling news from my Physician regarding my long-term health and knowing how much my family loves me, I decided to ignore that "voice" and try again. Since August 1st, I have so far lost 11 pounds which is encouraging. So, if I can do it again, I am sure you can. It is a matter of taking baby steps, like Bill Murray character in "What About Bob?".