Saturday, May 30, 2015

8 Reasons This Guy Gained Back All The Weight - Number 6 Blew My Mind

Yesterday some jerk had the nerve to ask me why I gained back all the weight I'd lost.  These issues can be really hard to deal with, and I don't want to bog you down with my own baggage.  So I thought I'd lighten it up a bit.

The average person on the internet has the attention span of a yellow lab.  Myself included.  So I thought if... SQUIRREL.

What was I saying?  Oh yeah.  If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.  BuzzFeed, eat your heart out.  Here are the 10 Reasons I gained back all the weight, in the most annoying infotaining way possible.

1.  Making Excuses

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I can't exercise today.  It's raining.  My feet hurt.  I have too much on my plate.  It's too late.  It's just a little chocolate.  Well, I already had one, may as well make it a pair.  I already ate a bunch of chocolate, a little more won't hurt.  I need the energy today.

I'm exceedingly good at getting in my own way.  I keep trying to hold myself accountable, but cognitive dissonance is a powerful thing.

2.  Letting Past Failures (and successes) Get In My Way

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I've been at this weight-loss thing for a long time.  I've had a lot of victories and a lot of defeats.  They become baggage sometimes.  That voice in the back of my head telling me I have to start all over KILLS my motivation.

3.  Letting Pastries Get In My Way

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Just kidding.

4.  Emotional Eating

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I'm someone who eats his feelings.  Happy?  I'll eat.  Sad?  You better believe I'll eat.  Bored?  What better cure than stuffing myself?  Food kind of becomes a medication for me.

5.  Not Making Exercise A Priority

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I've talked myself out of exercising so many times.  I have been paying $40 a month for a gym membership I haven't used since February.  Even when I do go, my heart hasn't been in it.  Not cool.

6.  Having A Baby

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In November my wife and I had a baby.  It's been an amazing experience.  My daughter is amazing.  I didn't realize I could love someone the way I love her.  Seeing her as a mother has also made me fall more deeply in love with my wife.

However, anyone who has ever had a kid will tell you it's a ton of work.  The first couple months were especially tough.  Life was kind of a blur where I was shoving shit in my face to stay awake.  When my daughter started sleeping through the night, I realized I had gained about 12 pounds in three months.

7.  Treating Food As A Reward

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I had a rough day at work. I deserve ice cream.  I just finished the spring concert.  Let's go out for dinner!  I lost a pound.  Let's get chips with our burritos.  Rewards don't work anyway and I should decouple food from success and failure.  Alfie Kohn, if you're reading this, I've let you down. 

8.  Not Giving A Shit

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File this one under having other things on my mind.  I've been busy, stressed, and stretched out and my own health has become the lowest priority.

I've gotten to the point where I don't want to have to think about my weight.  I don't want to worry about my health.  I don't want to worry about how I'm perceived in society.  So I don't.  I turn it off.

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