Sometimes I feel like I never succeed. I've had a lot of failures in my life and my self-esteem has suffered because of them. I try to stay positive and hold my head high, but there are times that the voice inside my head that says "you're no good at anything" gets too loud to ignore.
Don't get me wrong, I've succeeded in a lot of ways. I managed to marry an incredible woman (my wife, Claire), I have a job teaching music with the greatest kids in the world, I've co-written a musical, been the music director of the Music Man, graduated college, made the dean's list, gotten my Eagle Scout award way back in boy scouts, qualified for Mensa, played lead trombone in my college's top jazz band for 3 years, etc. I've had my fair share of successes, but I still can't shake this feeling that I'm a screw-up.
I'm tremendously disorganized and that has hurt me quite a bit in my life. I was diagnosed with ADD at the age of 10 and if you know me personally, you probably aren't surprised (if you didn't know already). I'm very easily distracted, disorganized, and manage time terribly. Seriously, I'm very good at procrastinating. I'm often unprepared (shame on me, especially after all of that boy scout training). I often feel as though I'm not good enough or not capable of accomplishing great things.
That's why I get so frustrated when things don't go the way I want them to go in my weight loss. I want to be doing something without screwing it up for once. When I stall or backtrack, my inner critic gets very loud. I want to show it who's boss. I want to make huge leaps in my weight-loss. I want to be successful. I want to have one thing in my life that I don't fumble. One big thing that I can really be proud of.
After reading through what I just wrote, I realize that I probably put too much pressure on myself to succeed. Losing the weight probably won't change how much pressure I put on myself, but hopefully it will be one more thing I can really be proud of.