Cheating

Diet, we need to talk.

I've been cheating on you.  I want to say it was just a one time thing, but it's not.  I've been sabotaging our relationship for a while now.  It started with a snack every now and then, but it's gotten out of control.  Chocolate, cookies, fries, I even bought a bag of cheesy popcorn the other day.

I don't know if I can stop cheating all together.  But I don't want to keep it a secret anymore.  I'm want to be open, honest, and accountable.  I don't want to leave you, diet.  I want us to work it out so here's what I'm going to do.  Every time I eat something I don't plan on, I'm going to log it on a cheat sheet that I can share on my blog.  Here's the best part, I'm going to post cheat sheet tweets on twitter using the hash tag #cheatsheettweet (unless a reader can think of a better tag) for the world to see and scrutinize.  Hopefully, shame will keep me faithful.

Diet, I'm sorry.  In my defense, I am human and make mistakes.  I just want to move forward from here.

Weigh-In Results

Happy Monday everybody.  Let's get this show on the road.

251.2 for a .2 pound loss this week.  Another micro-loss, but honestly, I'm lucky I didn't gain.  I ate way too much at the cabin this weekend unnecessarily.  I had a good time, but I could have had a good time without binging.  I'm planning on really bringing it this week.  I'm thinking the shin splints might be due to lack of physical activity (I went to the gym for the first time in two weeks today).  I was talking to a co-worker who said her legs used to hurt when she stopped exercising.  I'm going to give it my all and if I fall off an elliptical due to extreme leg pain, I'll go see a doctor.  I'll also be treating my shins with ice and heat packs.  I tried a heat pack today and it worked pretty well.

So today's winner for closest weight was my friend, Kim Kasl with a guess of 249.9 pounds.  Kim is a phenomenal photographer.  If you live in Minnesota (or western Wisconsin) and you're in need of a photographer, you should definitely check her out.  One of these days I'm going to be under the lowest guess.  Then I'll be the winner.  Just kidding, you're all winners for reading my blog. 

You may know I'm an aspiring photographer, myself.  I thought I'd leave you with some pictures I took this weekend at the lake while I was busy not losing weight.

I've got more pictures, they're just in the wrong format.  For now, enjoy these.

Back from Vacation

I spent the weekend up at the cabin for my wife, Claire's, birthday.  I had a ton of fun.  I did some swimming, some boating, and quite a bit of lounging.  I wasn't as active as I wanted because I've been having some trouble with some vicious shin splints and didn't want to aggravate them.  Every time I've had shin splints in the past I've given up on my exercise plan.  Not this time.  I'm going to be careful, but I'm going to keep my eyes on the prize.

There were plenty of pitfalls this weekend, however.  From salted-in-shell peanuts to birthday pie for Claire to Wienerschnitzel at the campy German restaurant in Park Rapids to S'mores.  I wasn't able to resist all of these temptations, but I feel like I partook less often than I would have in the past.  I suppose the scale will tell tonight.

I did manage to make some healthy choices this weekend.  I ordered a grilled chicken sandwich at an A&W and at one point, I walked out of a candy shop because I couldn't take the temptation anymore.

See you tonight for my weigh-in.  Post your guesses for my result tonight in the comments section.  Remember, last week was 251.4.  Good luck.

The Fattest Person in the Room

If you're anything like me, you've had a moment or two where you've looked around and noticed you're the biggest person in the room, or state (ok, probably not.  But it feels like it sometimes), and thought, "Why me?  What makes me so different that I'm fat and none of these people are?"  I usually come to the conclusion that it's something out of my control. 

There are things that are out of my control.  My genetics, my upbringing, the fact that I've been evolutionarily hardwired to crave salt, fat, and sugar, etc.  The big bulk of the blame, however, falls on my shoulders.  I'm the one who feeds myself.  Everything else is just excuses.  We all make excuses.  They're a natural defense mechanism to prevent cognitive dissonance.

Blame aside, it's still tough to deal with the fact that you're heavier than anyone else around you.  I've been the fattest guy in class, the fattest guy at work, the fattest guy in the restaurant, etc.  If you feel that way, let it light a fire under you.  You don't have to be the biggest person in the room.  You can change.  I can change.  I am changing.

Weigh in results

So Andrew, where have you been for the last two weeks? Why did you miss your first weigh-in since your grandma died? Are you throwing in the towel?

To answer your first question,since I last posted, I started work again, organized a pit orchestra, left home at 7:30 am and got home between 11 and midnight most nights. I went to Wisconsin, got in a car accident (don't worry, everyone's ok), and put on four fantastic performances of The Music man.

I missed my weigh in half because of my insanely busy schedule and half because I was afraid to step on the scale last week.

And to answer your last question, hypothetical questioner, I absolutely have not thrown in the towel. I do feel as though I fell off the wagon for a couple weeks. I definitely Feel like I've chunked up a little so with reluctance I stepped on the scale this week.

Wow. I wasn't expecting a loss. I certainly don't deserve it. I'm going to take it as a gift and move forward from there. I passed my 15% of my total body weight lost since I started the blog!

I'm so excited to have my evenings back. Mostly so I can get to know my wife again. I feel like I haven't seen her in a month. I'm going to get serious about my intake. I'm going to get back to running and exercising in general. I'm planning on doing a lot of blogging a well. So wish me luck and expect great things!

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Weigh-In Results

It's Monday and I'm going to jump right in.  Here is this week's weigh-in result.

This week's winner is Liza at 250.4.  Off by only 1.5 pounds.

Needless to say, I'm not happy with the result.  I lost .1 pounds this week.  I thought this BS with the micro-losses would be over once I started my summer break but I can't seem to move the scale down at a reasonable pace.  I'm frustrated and disheartened.  I wanted to see 249 by the first weigh-in of June.  Here I am in the middle of July still waiting to hit some very close milestones (50 pounds lost at 246, 15% of my body weight lost at 251.6). 

I know I shouldn't complain.  A loss is a loss.  But it still stings a little.  I was hoping to have a really good week but I can't seem to make my body do what I want.

In the interest of full disclosure, I lost control a little this weekend.  I had a few meals where I should have stopped eating earlier but I went back for more food.  I need to get control or I'm never going to lose any more weight. 

I feel fat.  I feel like I'm failing.  Something needs to change.

Cleaning out the Closet

My closet has been a disaster for quite some time now. Since I'm on summer break I decided to clean it out. I came up with two big bags worth of clothes that are now too big for me. I have some 3xl shirts and size 44 pants that I can't wear anymore because they are ridiculous looking on me. While I'm excited to have lost so much weight, I need dress clothes. Luckily, the dress code at the school I teach at is fairly relaxed and I can get by wearing jeans to work. I'll be hitting up thrift stores like Goodwill until I reach goal weight then it's time for a shopping spree.

There's a bag of clothes in there (t shirts mostly) just waiting for me to be skinny enough to wear them. I'm getting close on a lot of them. I'm wearing a smaller pant size than I did when I graduated high school but my upper body is sure taking its sweet time following suit. Whenever I wear my skinny jeans I feel a mixture of pride and embarrassment. Pride that I can fit into a size 36 jeans and at how amazing my legs look in them and embarrassment that I have an enormous muffin top that is accentuated by squeezing my lower half into some tight-ish pants.

I think my favorite feature is my legs. They have been working really hard keeping me moving and upright all these years of being overweight. Now I'm working them hard and losing the fat that is covering them, they look petty good. Too often I look in the mirror and think about all the things I would change. It's too easy to criticize yourself, especially if you're trying to lose weight. It's nice, instead, to admire something once in a while. It could be your eyes or your shoulders or your sense of humor.

When you look in the mirror, what do you admire?

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